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On Her Genitals
When a woman masturbates, she usually rests her wrist on her lower abdomen. But when you stimulate her genitals for her, you’re forced to contort your arm and hand to achieve the right position. Next time, try sitting underneath her, her back against your front. Reach your hand around and rest your wrist just above her pubic bone. And don’t make the mistake most guys make: relying on just one finger. "You need to use at least two, and preferably three or four," says De Villers. "And they should function in unison, like a paintbrush." Keep the heel of your palm planted on the hair-covered mound known as her mons pubis, then curl your fingers to use gentle back-and-forth and circular motions between her lips and over her clitoris. Start slowly -- incorporating a little "air time" to keep her guessing -- then increase your speed as her arousal builds.

In Her Genitals
The one advantage your thinner, shorter fingers have over the organ that was designed specifically to fill a vagina? Unlike your erect penis, they bend. "That allows fingers to focus on a particular spot in the vagina in ways that your penis can’t," says De Villers. Get your knuckles into the act. A come-hither motion along the upper wall of the vagina -- about an inch in -- is the best. But don’t focus all your energy in one place. "It’s the ring around the lower third of the vagina that has the most nerve endings, and it’s possible she has sensitive spots on any wall," says De Villers. Circular motions are a refreshing change of pace, since your penis can really only move in a straight line.

On Her Perineum
This is that little spot of flesh just in back of the opening of her vagina. There are a lot of nerve endings in the perineum that respond well to light pressure or gentle stroking. If you can reach it, this is an area that may be great to stimulate during thrusting. Use one or two fingers to apply about the same amount of pressure you’d use to push an elevator button. Be careful. The perineum is close to another opening -- one that should never be entered without an invitation.

On Your Penis
There is one way to make your penis do things it can’t do on its own: Give it a helping hand. "Many women find it very erotic to be teased at the opening of the vagina," says Elliott. Grasp the base of your penis with your hand and gently make circles around the clitoris, or run the underside of the shaft along her inner lips. Pretend, but don’t penetrate. Pull out before you’re halfway in.

On Her Hips
Of all the places you can park your hands during intercourse, the hips offer one of the best.

  • If she’s on top, use your hands to help guide her as she thrusts. It’s like power steering -- she’s still in control but doesn’t have to work as hard.
  • If you’re on top, reach under her and use your hands to grasp her hips and lift her pelvis toward you. Your thrusts will be deeper. "It also helps her feel as if the two of you are working together, instead of you just doing your thing on top of her," says Mark Elliott, Ph.D., a psychologist in Columbus, Ohio.



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